I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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