Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
