Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
