if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
