Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
