moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
