I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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