all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
