A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
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I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
operation have a gay friend backfired
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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