is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
