i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
