We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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