Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
