the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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