The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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