there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
