I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
