my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
