That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
