We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
