He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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