Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
