Your tits are I can't wait for
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
