It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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