also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
