if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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