Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
