There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish you could order shots online.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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