She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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