dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
