i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize