69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
