She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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