i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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