For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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