You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
