Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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