i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
