i jhust puked up my retainher.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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