i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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