"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
