"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
