I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
