census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
