Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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