Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
