Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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