My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
