Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
