I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
