Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
