I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
