Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We got so high we made milksteak
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
