i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
