Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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