Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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