you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
