Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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