i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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