you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion