i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
