I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today