yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
