He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
