Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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  (+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star?? http://tfl.nu/ikzh
  Replies (13) Good night (1147) Bad night (3291)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.

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  (703): I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes. http://tfl.nu/i5s6
  Replies (6) Good night (1084) Bad night (4974)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.

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  (631): She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other. http://tfl.nu/8uqn
  Replies (14) Good night (5472) Bad night (949)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers

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  (850): They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers http://tfl.nu/xy1w
  Replies (9) Good night (1159) Bad night (2260)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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  (712): buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks. http://tfl.nu/xy6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3455) Bad night (992)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

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  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2631) Bad night (762)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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  (573): Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something http://tfl.nu/61ie
  Replies (7) Good night (786) Bad night (1303)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Not okay.

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  (503): Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car! (503): Not okay. http://tfl.nu/moe1
  Replies (7) Good night (631) Bad night (2158)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game

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  (415): I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/4656
  Replies (5) Good night (1039) Bad night (472)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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  (516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1926) Bad night (589)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.

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  (347): I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/c9pc
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (464)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??

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  (256): It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican?? http://tfl.nu/zvoh
  Replies (1) Good night (742) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...

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  (412): We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks... http://tfl.nu/xo0y
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (405)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds

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  (317): I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds http://tfl.nu/xjyo
  Replies (5) Good night (650) Bad night (336)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.

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  (281): Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see. http://tfl.nu/p7s2
  Replies (0) Good night (617) Bad night (334)

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