I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.