i think i have herpe
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons