I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting