Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.

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(215): Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend. http://tfl.nu/kqgl

Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (1034)
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(847): View more from Illinois

cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

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(847): cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on http://tfl.nu/ommd

Replies (31) Good night (4032) Bad night (1428)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

No. It just means your good at giving head.

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(605): Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head? (1-605): No. It just means your good at giving head. http://tfl.nu/6xkt

Replies (22) Good night (4057) Bad night (1084)
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(480): View more from Arizona

this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.

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(480): this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking. http://tfl.nu/0htm

Replies (7) Good night (4194) Bad night (966)
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(585): View more from New York

you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking

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(585): you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking http://tfl.nu/y7bb

Replies (4) Good night (3133) Bad night (847)
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(810): View more from Michigan

woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.

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(810): woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you. http://tfl.nu/pwhp

Replies (6) Good night (1336) Bad night (2275)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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(203): Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light http://tfl.nu/z2qb

Replies (5) Good night (1978) Bad night (1090)
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(205): View more from Alabama

$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer

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(205): $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer http://tfl.nu/vhus

Replies (9) Good night (2537) Bad night (1204)
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(541): View more from Oregon

i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.

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(541): i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts. http://tfl.nu/e6qn

Replies (5) Good night (2105) Bad night (509)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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(404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho

Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (760)
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(936): View more from Texas

I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night

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(936): I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night http://tfl.nu/dhdy

Replies (4) Good night (343) Bad night (1068)
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(416): View more from Toronto

How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

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(416): How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard? http://tfl.nu/770q

Replies (15) Good night (774) Bad night (639)
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(760): View more from California

I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?

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(760): I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right? http://tfl.nu/usy0

Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (499)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?

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(706): I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get? http://tfl.nu/m9m9

Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (241)
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(815): View more from Illinois

OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!

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(815): OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST! http://tfl.nu/0ytf

Replies (6) Good night (228) Bad night (796)

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