either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
