i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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