This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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