Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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